When you love a car, but not how it handles...

Okay, maybe the car isn't really a car. Annnnnd maybe the handling is also sex, but you knew what you came here for...

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oooooofffff. This. Is. A. Hard. One. 

Get ready for the double entendres, cuz this weeks advice question is boiling over. 

Ladies, we all know what it's like to be sexually frustrated. Men have had it drilled into their heads since the begining of time that their sexual abilities define them. Whether it be the size of the car or how it handles, it's always been about the drive. The position of the seat, the angle of the steering wheel, how smooth it can shift gears, these are all incredibly important aspects we all look for during the "test drive" phase. 

Then you take the car home, and you have to maintain it. What was once an exilerating ride, all shiny and new, is now a more... comfortable mode of getting you where you want to go.

Thats not to forget external factors that can keep things running smoothly, or leave you stranded on the side of the road. Loving your car, and staying on top of upkeep is a feat, and not a small one. Nothing is better than a nice long drive in a car you absolutely love, but even if it's your dream car,  a blow out on the highway is still going to frustrate you. Speed bumps are still going to slow you down. 

In this case, it sounds like there may be a little hiccup somewhere in the wiring. Whether it be a lack of communication between moving parts, or just a bunch of buildup from the trip, no car is perfect. That's definately a defining moment for most of us. Simply realizing that even if every Disney movie would have you believe otherwise, you can always have it all. 

Or can you....

Lets get under the hood here.  

People that say they don't really have a type, usually are not entirely truthful. While they do give most people a chance, you, can't deny what is picture perfect to you. While our preferences may evolve, or even change completely over time, everyone has an idea of what they are looking for. 

It seems like most of what you're looking for is present. Being able to call your SO your best friend is probably even more important than the first I love you, or even the last. It enriches a relationship outside it's natural bounds. You find yourself enjoying the company of your companion, even when there isn't much to do. You rarely get bored. You share your most intimate secrets and stories about your past you would usually keep hidden. So the question becomes, why can't we fix this with just a little bit of communication? 

Which brings us back to the first lap. We value performance over anything. Don't gun it out of gate. Don't embarrass yourself with a burnout. Take the turns a little easy, and floor it near the finish line. The basics, if you will. Some enjoy a more rustic dirt track, and others a pristinely paved, predictable run, but at the end of the day, we are all just want to finish. 

It takes a team to keep the race interesting, or at least a partner. Without it, shake n bake would just be another 10 minute meal.  

Okay, okay. I can see the checked flag waving on my exhaustive use of punny, so let's just get to it.  

If you haven't already, try talking to your partner about it! If the head on conversation isn't your dig try some more subtle suggestions first.  Watch porn together. Order toys, surprise him with his and her sets, which are a bonus for people who frequently go periods of time away from their SO. Spice things up with an outfit and some roleplay. Guide your partner during intercourse. Take the reins from time to time. Master oral sex if traditional intercourse isn't cutting it. There are so many ways to skin this cat, even if the knife is a little on the petite side.

If after you address the elephant in the room, the sex still stinks... 

I would love to say that sex isn't important and you should simply settle with your 9/10, but it does matter, at least to you. That should be enough for any best friend and lover to WANT to fix it. You won't see results over night. It's definately going to take some patience and a little tact. Let's face it, no one wants to be told they aren't doing their "job". The biggest take away here; they are intent on doing do whatever it takes to make you happy. If the want isn't there, it may be time to move on. 

Fortunately for us, we now have infinite resources available and information literally at our fingertips. The bottom line here, as usual, is communication. If your partner isn't interested in your needs, then they aren't your partner. Hell, they aren't even a very good friend. I'm not saying its a great idea to sit them down and point out their flaws, but the stigma ends with us. We are the generation of open and unlocked doors. We should be able to discuss basic human health and physical desires without shame or humiliation. Who are we to preach openness and desire, safe sex practices and consent, but not practice what we preach. The lines of communication can't stop where the bedskirt begins. 

If all else fails,  and you think you can live with doing the dirty work yourself and be satisfied, then go for it! Work that middle ground, girl! Some things we just have to do our part to dismiss. Let it go, but only if you truly can do just that. Never. Think. About. It. Again. 

Personally, I would be terrified that this one unapproachable issue, will start to define my relationship. I would have concerns about other topics that you wouldn't be able to address. Whatever is preventing this conversation from happening, will likely effect other areas. Resulting in more problems. Like a chain reaction...

 

So what will it be? You gonna wave that white flag and surrender? 

Or are you going to talk it over with your partner and hopefully see that checkered flag?

Okay, seriously,  puns are over.  

Thanks for reading, and leave your helpful comments for this weeks anonymous reader below!  

Conrol Issues