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You’re Welcome.

BUT also:

THANK YOU!

You're FUCKING welcome.

I'm not entirely sure who decided that the adult work day should start at 7 am, but I FUCKING hate you.

Seriously.

A recent study proved that the "symptoms" of ADHD were the same as sleep deprivation, so what if we just live in a world of under rested, over stimulated fucks, who can't figure out what exit is theirs, on the SAME FUCKING HIGHWAY they've been driving half asleep for 10 years?!

Christ.

I didn't grab my coffee OR my lighter this morning.

Wait, did I grab my coffee? THIS IS WHY I HAVE 1 COFFEE CUP LEFT IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE. I've probably left it on the car AGAIN.

I bet the same FUCK in paragraph one, is probably the guy that decided to charge $8 for a cup of coffee and milk that tastes a little less like the bottom of a shoe. GET BENT.

I'm an average person, who could do A LOT more for themselves if I'd just learn how to go to bed earlier, and wake up on time. Sad part is, it's not even like I don't get enough sleep.

Okay, I'm probably not getting enough sleep, but still, I am a snooze button WHORE; a quality which does not meddle well with my anxiety. You know, that opening scene from every movie ever. Typical half shot up in bed, 10 minute countdown to throw on some clothes, brush my teeth and run out the door.

A COMPLETE FUCKING NIGHTMARE, HONESTLY.

No kids to juggle, BUT don't let that fool you. It's just as chaotic being me, and in a relationship, with 2 amazing (OBNOXIOUS) mutants. If they could maybe just not stair into space and actually pee this morning that would be great! I'm clumsy enough without one if not BOTH of those sweet (ANNOYING) angels (ASSHOLES) pulling me out the door and off the stairs while I'm still struggling with the heel of my shoe...

Not a chance.

Its a complete dice roll if I'll go down on my ass or my face, but there's no REAL gamble here. I'm going down, you can bet on that.

Sometime I wonder if I'm just a real life, "Murphy's Law".

Just like everyone, I struggle with the little stuff. Getting out of bed. Finding socks without holes in them. Remembering where I last set my keys. Forgetting to check the pockets before putting the wash in. Tripping over my own two feet. A hatred for laundry and dishes. Not enough time in the day, or shows on Netflix I haven't seen.

Who am I kidding. I have HULU and I don't even pay for it...

There's never anywhere to park when I get to work, and by time I get home, I don't want to see another person or car for like 2 weeks, and don't you DARE call me. I hate the phone from now until I have to answer it at the office tomorrow.

Back at home it's more of the same. I try to muster the energy to play a video game, but my depression takes over, my body is tired, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Do I have a physically demanding job?

NOPE.

Do I want to murder half of the adult population for being cunts by time I punch out for the day.

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY.

I'd be willing to bet, any amount of money that I'm not the only one.

I work hard, but mostly for other people. Sure, I make good money, doing something I semi enjoy, but I don't focus on what really makes me happy.

Except maybe food. I love food.

I spend my morning rushing around feeding, clothing, walking, and then forget to take care of myself.

I spend my day servicing other people at work, and taking a verbal beating

I spend my evening wishing I had enough energy to feed myself and dreading simple tasks like taking a shower, or walking the dogs.

I spend my night wondering what I forgot, laying awake, even though I am too tired to fucking move a limb. I couldn't run a marathon, but my brain sure the fuck can.

I try to remember the last time I did something that was for me. I try to remember the last time I used one of my talents, fine tuned a skill, or kept up with a hobby. I try to remember the last time I wrote something that wasn't a grocery list.

It's been years.

The only time I feel happy anymore, is when I'm given a stage in my small group of friends, and I get to be clever and creative.

Sometimes I'm even funny.

Actually, I think I'm fucking hilarious.

There's more to me that that, however, and you just might be lucky enough to get to share parts of me, whenever you're bored as FUCK.

Cheers to more stuff to stare at and listen to while you're taking a shit!

DON'T MAKE THAT FUCKING FACE, WE ALL DO IT.

I'm here to contribute...

To my happiness, mainly, but I guess I can share with you fucks too.

Oh, and by the way....

YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME.

 

 

 

 

 

Emotionally and Morally Bankrupt