Life Is a Journey - Live It Now

Emotionally and Morally Bankrupt

I thought for sure you'd all get to know me a little better before I posted my first true to life RANT, but  given the nature of the game, I should have known better. 

I'll preface this by saying that a ton of my life choices have been less than ideal, but I've maintained my morality through out. I've never understood how people can completely lose themselves and their morals over the dumbest shit, but then again there are a lot of things I will never understand.

I'll OMIT some details for privacy, but holy CRAP I'm sure just about anyone can use this sucker for as a MAD-LIB and it would still makes sense. It's funny, because A LOT of writers would choose to leave stuff out, because they assume the person(s) they are talking about will see it, but the sad truth of the matter is; THEY DON'T FUCKING SUPPORT YOU SO WHY WOULD THEY CARE? 

I'm a genuinely giving person. I don't do things for payment or payback. I don't EXPECT people to act a certain way or do certain things based on my own donations in life. I used to EXPECT good karma, but I've learned that the universe doesn't work that way. If you are always EXPECTING something, you get NOTHING because then the generosity and genuineness of your actions are lost in translation.

A year or so ago, I was experiencing some rather difficult health diagnoses after a string of Baudelaire family level catastrophic events. I was clinging onto a lot of people, places, and things, I thought were the source of my happiness. I had no self value or happiness. 

I'll never forget the concept that snapped me out of it, but for the life of me, I can't remember who said it to credit them for this! (If you know, please tell me!) 

It's okay to hold people to a certain level of value. You aren't expecting them to 'pay you back' for your kind deeds, but you do require an even exchange of energy. Think of yourself as an emotional bank. Your friendship with other people is kind of like a mortgage. You're both basically "investing" in good faith that someday, somehow, the asset levels will even out. Someone gets a house, and someone gets money. If you are consistently providing an asset and getting nothing in return, you will end up in emotional foreclosure. It's completely OKAY to expect relationships and people to hold emotional VALUE in your life. It's okay to have CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS of people you have relationships with. It doesn't matter if they are FAMILY, FRIENDS, or the cashier at Walgreen's that knows you need your herpes medication every month.

YOU CAN and SHOULD hold EVERYONE accountable for their value in your life. 

You wouldn't keep giving Jonathan the work mooch $5 if he hasn't paid you back 1 time in the 15 years you've worked together, would you? NO. You'd find a way out of it. Let's face it, if you keep draining yourself for other people, you've got nothing left for yourself.

Now, on to PHASE TWO of this rant. The EXIT strategy. 

There are two ways you can cut people out of your life. MALICIOUSLY or the road less traveled, the HIGHROAD.

When you are younger, taking the highroad was less fun, but if you'd just taken it ONCE you'd have seen that while there is grass over the gravel, it actually makes for a smoother ride. 

For a while, I'd send 8 page text messages, post hateful shit on social media, tag people so the whole world knew our business, rant for hours about the shit my S.O did, or just for funsies, be vague enough that EVERYONE knew who it was about(sarcasm). It was an absolute RUSH and I can't deny that getting that shit out there, and out of me, was a HUGE relief every time I did it. HOWEVER, it's emotionally draining. The back and forth. The consuming thoughts. The continuous conversations with "nosy" people. (Come on, you called them nosy, but you blasted your shit publicly. You know you did.)

You're wasting energy on people who are probably enjoying the rise they are getting out of you. You've done it, so you KNOW that person is on social media stalking your every move. They are looking for shit to talk about and you are giving them exactly what they came for. A SHOW. 

You know what's even more fun? 

When you BLOCK them from EVERYTHING, and not just them, their catty friends, family members, and while you're at it, anyone from your past that you haven't talked to for years. It's called a clean sweep. It drives them CRAZY. You'll have them asking everyone they know, and some people they don't if you did it well enough, to pull up your social media so they can see. 

We are ALL guilty of this shit, but it's kinda like buying clothing that will NEVER fit you. Sure, it's fucking adorable, but why waste your hard earned money on some shit that you can just look at from a distance but never use? TAKE THAT SHIT BACK AND NEVER LOOK AT IT AGAIN.

Seriously. I periodically delete social media all together because aside from 3/4 people, the rest contribute nothing to my life. 

Now, onto the fun stuff.

PEOPLE CHANGE. You outgrow people. People get lost along the way. What I cannot stand, is when you develop a friendship, usually long term, with someone, and all the sudden, what used to be an even exchange of friendship dollars, is slowly becoming one sided. At first you look at that person as a savings account. Oh, they'll pay me back. Oh, I'm sure when they do, it'll be totally worth it, because I'll need that shit BAD.

After a while you realize that hackers have been all up in that shit, and that account is completely foreign to you, and all that money you've been pouring into savings is probably lining the pockets of some terrorist organization.

Have you ever seen the episode of South Park where Randy is trying to teach Stan the value of a savings account, and his investment is gone in .05 seconds? 


What's absolutely mind boggling to me, is that these particular "accounts" even if they are written in a foreign language, keep asking for funds. They just want you to keep depositing even though you can't read the damn receipt. Then they have the nerve to act like you're the one who's changed. 


Seriously. At what point before is a relationship account been so one sided that you dread seeing that person like a REAL BANK STATEMENT? Are emotional overdraft fees a thing?


Then it's all over the news. Not just your bank, but a handful of banks have been hacked. Money is missing everywhere and its all been linked to the same person! You're finding out things in the small print that you saw, but never REALLY READ. 

HOLY SHIT. How did this happen! 

Without warning, the bank e-mails you with an apology and an explanation. At the end; a promise that they are trying to find ways to make sure this doesn't happen again and improve your experience with them. This is all to brace you for the time frame for repayment. YOUR money that they let DISAPPEAR from your account, will take 6-8 weeks for repayment. 

At this point in the story, you've forgotten that we aren't really talking about banks, and having flashbacks to that time in college when you used your debit card for a $.30 pack of Ramen and ended up with a $35 overdraft fee. Maybe that time you used a questionable website to get an obviously fake version of the purse you've been wanting and your card info was stolen and used in Indonesia or some shit comes to mind. 

FRAUD protection was the reason you chose this card in the first place. They froze your card when you traveled 300 miles Disneyland. You stopped for gas for the love of fuck. They froze it then, how could they let someone use my card info in INDONESIA for a burrow?!

YOU'D NEVER LET YOUR BANK GET AWAY WITH THAT BULLSHIT SACK OF LIES.. but you try to be nice because you know if you aren't then you will never get your money back. 

Thing is, YOUR money is already gone. Someone else, is kind enough to give you the amount that was stolen from you back, because they believe in you. They value you and know that you are better than whoever stole from you. Whoever broke your heart. Whoever fired you. Whoever lied to you. They want to INVEST IN YOU. 

If you waste all the money you have to invest in the wrong bank, you won't have time to find the right one. 

Close the account you have with people who leave you negative and racking up fees. Open one with cash back and benefits. Seek investment opportunities. 

AT THE END OF THE DAY, you choose to put your energy places and spend it certain ways. It's okay to invest. It's okay to ride out some ups and downs. It's okay to have loyalty, but know when it's time to pull out, and don't do it half-assed either. Pull all the way out. 


Oh and one more thing...








Can I keep my dignity?

You're FUCKING welcome.