Alright, so it might be Thursday, and I might have a regular, okay paying job in a middle class home, but I STILL have the right to complain. Don’t I?
Damn right I do! Especially when every time I order take out (or prepared food in general) it is NOT what I ordered. You might think I am joking, but I got so frustrated at a local fast food joint once, that I ordered a 6 piece chicken nugget meal and I SHIT YOU NOT I got 5 FUCKING nuggets. Who DOES that?
Okay, I guess my life isn’t that bad, but I do have a Murphy’s law kind of luck. For instance, sure, I have AC in this 100 degree weather, and when it decided to short out last week, it only fried the breaker, instead of burning the house down. BONUS, am I right?
WRONG! A very nice man came to help us figure out why it wasn’t cold enough, and in the 10 minutes after I walked in the door, a mere 20 minutes after his arrival, he’d managed to turn off the wrong breaker, lock himself out of the room containing said breaker, that doesn’t have a key, and then ripped the locking mechanism out of the door knob attempting to use his own keys to open it.
After all that, we realized that it was a more unit electrical issue, and it was fixed and he was on his way.
You’d think the story stopped there, right?
The next morning, my “not a mornin person as it is” significant other, attempts to shower, and can’t get anything but cold water. The water heater is right next to the furnace where the electrical issues had originated. I call the company to inform them we either have a new, unrelated issue, OR their technician had messed something else up! It was a Saturday, so it took some time for a response, to which he says “I don’t think that’s it, but I can send someone out and charge for our 24 hours service”
I THINK FUCKING NOT.
A day goes by and I am sitting on the couch minding my own business when a little lightbulb goes off in my head.
THAT FUCKER FORGOT TO FLIP THAT BREAKER BACK ON.
That’s right, I have running water, AC, electric, and now HOT RUNNING WATER because apparently I would have been better off just fixing everything on my own.
This day, is just a snippet of my life. Sure, the good SOMETIMES outweighs the bad, and maybe we should all learn not to overthink stuff so much. Yes, I did mention in last week’s blog that we are ALL kind of responsible for our own happiness. I mentioned it again in the Advice column on Monday (I’m that guy that never takes their own advice), but that does NOT mean we aren’t a loud a straw.
Whether it be THE LAST or THE ONE THAT BROKE THE CAMELS BACK, we’re entitled to that damn straw.
In honor of that straw, I wanted to post some of the smallest things that drive me ABSOLUTELY MAD and see if you guys have similar peeves!
If you do, let’s see them in the comments!
Some is these are very situational. Some of them exclusive to certain lifestyle choices I have made. Hopefully some of them will be relatable. If not, I’ll see you next week!
1) When I am in a hurry and the entire planet seems to notice.
I know I’m not the only one. My dogs wanna sniff everything instead of taking a shit. This is especially frustrating when they’ve done “the hunch” 2/3 times and you can see a turd physically trying to escape their bodies. People drive slow in EVERY lane of the highway. Don’t mind me. I’m just trying to use the passing lane while 6 other drivers gawk at an accident in the oppisite direction or are just driving slow in general. Seriously. Get. Over. This will also be the only time I get pulled into the “you have to wait another 15 minutes for your food” parking spot when I only ordered a coffee because I didn’t think I had time to wait for food. Sure I ordered a caramel macchiato with skim milk. Did you have to milk the damn cow? This will also be the morning that my significant other forgets it’s trash day and didn’t take the bin the half mile up our drive the night before or the dryer didn’t dry my only clean bra enough and I have to wrestle it on and wear it damp or empty the machine and toss it in solo while I rush around the house doing other things. I’ve ALWAYS been on time. Usually early. Lately I’ve given up. If I’m 10 minutes late you can blame Susan on 270 for deciding to drive 3mph the whole 1/2 a mile before me exit.
2) When someone clearly doesnt read your entire message.
We have all seen the jokes circulating about the web. No one wants you to call them anymore, which is fine. I HATE talking on the phone anyway, but if you aren’t going to have that short convo with a person so they know you heard everything, read the damn text! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve replied to someone and they read a bit and then it’s like they’ve thrown their phone out the window. They don’t reply or they do, but they don’t answer the 1 question you had. Some days I get home and somethings been done, but the most important detail was missed. People are so proud when they do something you asked them to, but when they don’t bother to read the damn instructions start to finish you end up with an entertainment center where the doors open inward or the fiberboard is showing. If you wouldn’t treat ikea furniture that way why would you treat your people that way???
3) Loud people.
Lets get one thing straight here. I’m not talking about people who get excited and talk loud from time to time. I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE (okay, all the time), I’m talking about people who stomp when they walk. People that chew so loud you can hear them over the mariachi band at your favorite Mexican restaurant. We’ve all blared our music, but let’s save that for home. Sunny Sunday’s when you’re cleaning the house to Beyoncé are an exceptable opportunity to blast tunes. People that drive aggressively and lay on their horn when you are driving normally. Squealing tires when you pull out of a parking lot does not make you cool. That shits expensive anyway! Bring your infant to the movie theaters at 9pm when the rest of us are trying to enjoy date night, which we can only afford once a year because gas is worth more than your kidney and a movie costs more an hour than you get paid. Ya know, disruptive LOUD ASS people.
4) THAT TONE OF VOICE
Well finish up with this one, cuz it’s going to make me twitch. You know the tone. I don’t even have to explain it. The one that instantly makes your blood boil and your face hot. That, “I am better than you and because of that I feel the need to talk to you like you’re the most insignificant, annoying, disgusting human being on this earth” voice. The “What babe?!” The “annnnnd?!” Or “sooooo??” That tone makes me want to smack the taste right out of your mouth.
I know this post is called first world problems so while we’re here, I’ll list just a few tiny irritating things.
When you pluck your eyebrows and pinch your skin.
When you are putting on mascara as a finishing touch and it gets in your eye and now it’s bloodshot and watering.
When you roll up your hair in the car window.
When you’re half asleep and there’s no more TP.
When you can’t figure out what smells bad.
When you can’t figure out what you want to eat.
People that hover over the toilet seat to pee, and then piss all over the toilet seat.
When the trash can is full and more stuff gets crammed into it.
When you get attacked by flying bugs.
When people say you look tired.
When someone asks me for a bite of my food.
When someone refuses a bite of my food.
When my hair or skin gets pinched in my glasses.
Societies obsession with women wearing bras. They won’t accept the sports bra as a real bra. Noooo I have to skewer myself for what?
Trying to get the last bit of tooth paste from the tube.
I think we’ll end it on burnt toast. Seems appropriate.
Leave your peeves in the comments!
Until next week, you’re welcome!