Man this week has been a rough one around the heiress household!
I've had so many exciting new things to work on and new projects I wanted to start, but it's just been one curveball after another, and it's only Wednesday!
Saturday, Alex was rear-ended in our only vehicle on his way home from work. Poor guy was just excited to come home and work on his 100th play through of FFX when the car in front of him stopped short to make a left turn. Alex was traveling under the speed limit (thank goodness) and was able to stop in time. Just as he was sighing in relief, only inches from the car in front of him, the vehicle behind him plowed into him.
There was a lot of back and forth, and after nearly 3 hours, he finally made his way back home.
We relaxed only partially, as the car needed to be tied up like a Christmas gift just to function safely, and realized that the passenger's side tail light was out, however we couldn't get the trunk back open to repair it. It's now 3 days later, and as of 5pm yesterday evening, we had FINALLY gotten ahold of the other party, to confirm the accident, and start the repair process. They reserved the rental, which I attempted to pick up this morning, only to find that the 3 area locations with the rental company are bone dry until Friday morning! I spent my morning jumping from one location to the next, being told there was a return on its way, just to head to work 2 hours later, in a car that scares me anyway!
Then Sunday, we took back a horribly purchased weed edger and trimmer. Got it on sale for Father's day, and it was only $70! Cordless, battery operated. Black and Decker. We thought we were winning, until we saw the fine print. Another $100 just for the battery, which is not included, and then another $65 for the charging unit??? We'd made the purchase online, after being told the local Lowe's did not have any in stock, so when we took it back there to return it, we were informed it would be another 6 days before the money was returned to our account. Lovely.
So while we waited to get that $$ back, in order to purchase another one (she didn't even ask how we'd like our money back or we would have simply gotten store credit, BTW) we decide that we're going to finally have some sunlight on Monday to cut the grass, weed some of the garden areas and with any luck, get the driveway sprayed for weeds!
Working 12 hours, I scoop him from his job at 7pm on Monday. Head out of the major town area, toward our rural home, about 15 miles into the middle of no man's land, when I make a comment about how I feel like the gas gauge has been stuck on 90 miles to empty the entire day. It flickers down to 88 as if it heard me, and I continue on, thinking that I'll stop in at the lone gas station a few miles from where we are.
The car suddenly slows to a stop, and in muggy, pre and post rain 90 degree heat, we've ran out of gas, and had to sit on the side of the road waiting for AAA for nearly 2 hours.
Holy cow. Now, I've had a rough year or more, as you may have read in my post The Girl Behind the Mask, but things were finally looking up. I was getting the help and support I needed for my physical and mental health, working my butt off 12 hours a day, to help catch up on bills we'd fallen behind on and bring our quality of life back to where it was before I got sick, and pouring my heart and soul into my website. Things were finally looking up, or so I thought.
So I think it's time that I sat down and had a talk with the Universe.
This may be relatable to most of you. I know that it would be with a lot of people that I know. You've always been told that what you put out there is what you'll get back (karma) and that as long as you stay positive, then that energy returns to you. I rarely ever feel like that is the case for long.
I work hard. I feel like I put my all into everything I do, from relationships, to work, when I am able. I smile when I wake up, and I always try to make sure that whatever happened through out the day, doesn't follow me to bed. I feel like the saying is true, however, that when it rains it pours.
It's almost like life is just one big long tournament of Mariokart. You know what I mean. That feeling when you've been in 1st place for the entirety of the first 2 laps and the second you cross that finish line to start the last lap, you almost always say "I've been in first place entirely too long. Something bad is about to happen."
That my friends, is the story of my life. Even if I don't say it. Even if I don't think it. I always find myself thinking in the end, "Well, to be fair, nothing bad had really happened in 2 months or so?"
Come on Universe! Is that how it's going to be? I don't want to be tested anymore. It's been 31 years, and since I can remember, things have just continued along the same, downhill stretch of road they always have. I don't want anything major. Just simple happiness.
Stop bullying me!
I'm laughing as I type this, because yes, I've been through hell, but I've also owned my mistakes, and I've found happiness no matter what. 3 years ago, when I met my current employer, after only a few weeks of being suffocated under the weight of a huge obstacle we'd been tasked to overcome, he pulled me into the office.
It wasn't a "talking to", and he barely knew me at all, but he could feel that I was easily wound up, and that it was hard for me to shake that once I was there. He gently told me that nothing got fixed being so stressed out, and that while it was only natural to react to stimuli as I had, it was me and only me, that could control how stressed it made me. At the end of the day, I could only do what I could do, and as long as I did my best, then it wasn't up to anyone else to make sure that I was at the very least, relaxed. I did my best work when I was relaxed.
This didn't calculate to being slow at my job. This didn't mean I didn't do my job well. It just meant that I didn't carry the stress of my job with me where I went, and I was able to let it go when I left.
I can't thank him enough for that.
Sure I have depression, and anxiety with panic disorder. Sure I have insomnia and night terrors, and PTSD but at the end of the day, I alone can control my own happiness. I alone can make changes to push myself to just feel calmer, and smile more often. I always try to find the light, and if someone is intentionally trying to bring me down to their level, even on a professional scale, I simply tell them it's not working for me.
I've had to do that a lot lately.
So, as a kind of fuck you to the universe, I spent the last of my paycheck buying the domain name, and subscribing to my website for a full year (after stocking up on groceries because I love food more than life itself), because fuck you, that's why.
I've found a release and something that keeps me happy. Sure, it also adds more to my plate and extends my "work load", but it keeps me happy. It lets the universe know that I am not giving up so easily. In fact, I'm giving back. Here ya go universe. Have some creative writing.
If you have read this far, you deserve a little update!
Alex and I are working on our next podcast. We've decided we're either going to play a game, or we're going to start a choose your own story, similar to what we did with The Petting Zoo, in preparation for our next big project!
I am currently working on a choose your own story for YOU to enjoy, and hopefully it will be out soon! (Sneak peak link is in the short stories tab. Check it out!)
I am super excited to announce that we are going to be doing our In the Kitchen with a Capricorn segment in just a few short weeks, and we have decided to try to make massive versions of our favorite foods, in iconic shapes. The first week, we are going to make The Leaning Tower of Shortcake! Hopefully it turns out just the way we want it too!
Alex and I are also very excited to announce that we are partaking in a Nerdaholics podcast series doing a play through for Dungeons and Dragons! I promise I will post the link to all of these as soon as they are ready, but if you are interested in following the guys over at Nerdaholics, check out the news tab for links to their iTunes!
Thanks for hanging out, and wish me luck with In The Kitchen, because these thumbs have NEVER used a green screen before. Also, on that note, I know that the editing process for the latest The Petting Zoo got a bit choppy. Taylor and I are still learning to flow together properly, and some instances, the hamster sounded like it was trying to fly off its wheel, and there was laughing, and I had to chop parts out, that I would have left in otherwise, and some of it was just a little "remix" status, but for removing nearly 20 minutes of dead air and stuttering and weird background sounds, I think the handful of questionable spots for my first real sound edit, not so bad.
Thanks for the support guys!