Once again, y'all are coming in HOT!
Okay, I admit it! I do have a few more details on this particular scenario, but for relatability sake, I will keep it simple. Not all of this column will relate to this situation in particular. I want everyone who may have a simalar situation to see it from all sides! With that said, let’s get to it!
When a child is involved, it complicates things, but at the end of the day, you should never stifle your own happiness with the hope that it makes your child happy. Lead by example. If you are happy, your children will ultimately be happy. That’s my bottom line! Make it work if you are genuinely happy, even if there are ups and downs, but don’t force it. Don’t make excuses for why you are in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. Don’t make your children feel like an excuse. Always walk away knowing you did everything you could for whoever you love, but know when you’ve found complacency. Complacency is NOT love. Complacency is cowardice. Find your strength to move onward and upward. Find your ROAR!
Everyone’s situation is different. Going back to an ex isnt always a terrible idea. Sometimes you find the right person and it’s simply just the wrong time. Personal growth, self love, external influences; all great reasons to leave a relationship and revisit it later. It is possible to end a relationship on good terms. Hell, it can simply be OKAY terms and still work out great the second time around.
However, if you look back on the way things ended, and don’t feel like it came from a place of love, it’s probably a good idea to just stay where you are. If you don’t hold fond memories, revisit them often, and want to go back because you love not only that person, but the foundation it was built on, it’s time to rebuild. Tear that sucker down and find a contractor that sees your vision and shares it. You might have to try a few different contractors before you find the one that will take all of your dreams and make them a reality. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s your life, but it’s also your dream.
Little girls don’t ALL dream about their perfect man. We don’t fantasize every day about who we want to walk down the isle with. Sometimes society pushes us to get married at a certain age and have kids; settle down. It is NOT a requirement. You don't have to be with your child’s father or mother. You don’t have to do anything that doesn't make you happy. True love is hard to come by, but it’s worth the wait. Whether you are 18 or 90, it’s never too late or too early to find your person.
The most common reason that relationships end, is personal growth. The physical end of a relationship usually isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It doesn’t swoop in like a tornado and take your love away leaving you clicking your heels and begging for Kansas! You can forecast the storm better than the Farmers’ Almanac. Well, at least someone can. Sometimes it’s difficult to remove yourself and see what others see. Somewhat like watching The Weather Channel, it can be helpful to let someone else step in. Other times, like the Farmers themselves, you know better than the “weatherman". Trust your gut, but take trusted insight to heart.
Once the storm begins you ultimately have 2 choices; seek shelter or let it take you away. It can be scary. At first, you don’t argue at all. Next thing you know, your home is in shambles. If you pack your bags and move on, then what?
Healing begins. You find yourself. You take note of things you didn’t like. You hold onto things you did. You are in a certain state of mourning. Its easier to move on when they are far, far away from you. When you are put in a position where you have no choice but to confront them head on, it can get pretty confusing; epecially when things seem to fall back into place so easily. It can make matters worse, if the other person shows or expresses feelings of remorse, or old feelings resurface.
It is so easy to slap on a costume and attend a party. After a while, the mask comes off and you’re standing next to the same person you walked away from before.
When they are living with you, co parenting easily, it can comfort you. Its endearing. You start to wonder, worry really, if you made the right choice. Should you give it another shot?
No. Not right away. Time will tell all their dirty little secrets. Will they find themselves once they are out on their own? Will they try so hard when your back is turned? Will they continue to improve with only themselves as reasoning? There is only one way to find out! GIVE IT TIME.
Take that time to try out other partners. Take that time to try new food. New hobbies. Find yourself. Even Moments. Not miles.
As far as the other guy goes, if you were happy before you were so rudely interrupted, try to pick up where you left off. It’s a rarity to find someone who even considers friendship, let alone a relationship, after you’ve opened your home to your ex. Patience is not in every soul. If hes willing to be understanding, reciprocate. Do yourself a favor; give him a shot. Of corse he changed when your ex came around. Emotions; we are only human. It takes a lot not to react when your love is challenged. Don't take his kind heart for granted.
Maybe the “step back” was’t for his benefit, but for both of you. There is only one way to find out. GIVE IT TIME.
If it’s meant to be, time means nothing. 1 year. 10 years. It won’t change a thing. Grow. Grow to whatever light you can find. Let love water you. Blossom. Let life pick you when the time is right. Find the light and fight for it.
Who is your light?